I’m not entirely sure it has turned us all into narcissists, or stalkers, or people who need to share what they’re having for breakfast. But there is one thing about Facebook I know for certain: if someone is going to post a photo of themselves on their homepage – or any other social-networking apparatus – you can be sure they have selected the very, very best one of themselves they could possibly find.
I’ve recently seen pics of middle-aged women who might pass for 25, and they’ve clearly employed all the photographic tricks. Chins pointed down, turkey necks tucked under and not a single full-body or behind shot to be seen. Botox is not cheap, but Photoshop is. Apparently.
Men do it too. There are plenty of pics out there of 50-year-old dudes peering pensively into cameras they’re clearly holding themselves, night-time shadows falling strategically over wrinkled foreheads.
In fact, my brothers-in-law love to post pics of themselves, six abreast, dressed in their finest Lycra biking gear, and in their minds I know they truly believe they’re putting the very best images of themselves out there for the world to see. No additional commentary from me on this, however, but you get the idea.
In the world of Facebook there are rampant, gratuitous photo posters and there are people who would rather sleep in their own vomit than put a photo of themselves online. But I’m sure both groups would agree that, if you’re going to put a photo of yourself up, you’ve done so because you think it’s a good one.
Someone on my friends list has about 200 pics of herself on her online album, and in every one she’s employing movie-star poses, chin down, one leg in front of the other. These have all been carefully selected, of that I’m sure. There’s not a single one of her in her pjs nursing a hangover.
And that’s fine, if she’s making the choices. A friend was mortified recently when one of her buddies put a dozen pics of her and their gang frolicking around on the beach on her Facebook page. The pics were tagged, so they then linked onto her own homepage, which can then be viewed by everyone in her own friends list, which happened to include a whole lot of people from my friend’s work.
So there she is, out and about with all her gal pals, in her togs, for everyone and her boss to see. And not one of the pics caught her good side.
I’m the first to admit I’ve googled old boyfriends, colleagues, schoolfriends, even potential tenants. Mostly, I like to snoop on those from my past that I despise, in the hope of discovering things haven’t turned out well for them in the end. So if, like me, the whole world is snooping, we need to learn how to edit (or work the private buttons).
More importantly, anyone holding a photographic device needs to be told, straight up, not to put the photo they’ve just taken of you on Facebook. Not unless you’ve cleared it first, anyway.
And I’m not even talking about images of silly young people passed out drunk on a couch or dressed in drag at a rave. Kids invented Facebook – they can do whatever they want on it. I’m talking about everyday trakky-dack pics taken without consent at someone else’s kids’ birthday parties, or photos taken by nieces at Christmas with you in the background spilling gravy down your face.
Remember, peoples, Russell Brand once posted a photo of Katy Perry, still in bed, mascara gloop in the corner of her eyes, first thing in the morning. And to think we were all surprised when she filed for divorce.